Just an arbit unpolished thought on an arbit sunday when I was giving my poor foot a little bit of rest and in the process getting bored like hell
Just remembered that last December
The sweeping cold
The wide delhi roads
The snazzy cars sweeping by
With a mind of their own
The morning fog covering all
The cold milk of kavenders
The chaos of chandni chowk
That paranthe wali gali
That metro ride
The rich and poor sitting side by side
Most of all I remember,
The cold nights,with fog sweeping by
Wide desolate roads
With occasional cars zipping by
And i miss walking on those delhi roads
me and my thoughts
Only, This time i picture you with me
holding my hand.smiling, silently
and i soak in those smells
The smell of your hair, the smell of the city
the smell of that eternal night
and we talk about everything
but we speak with our eyes
and i see the world through your eyes
marvelling at all those hues
This is how i picture my December
maybe, just maybe someday. this is how it would be
Delhi roads, delhi roads and just you and me.
Ahh maybe this is what is missing home
Maybe this is what is missing you
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Right and Wrong
Hi everyone,
First a disclaimer,this post is in no way related to institute's happenings so if you are thinking of finding something there then I am sorry.
It's been approximately a year since my last post.Not that nothing eventful has happened since then,it's just that to get that tempo to write a few words which would be grammatically correct and with proper punctuation is more than what you can expect from this lazy guy.Finally I have the tempo to write this long delayed piece.The best part is,I get the ideas to do all this only at times when I have some really important work in my hand.I am supposed to read 3 chapters of Bayesian Statistics which are the key to my internship and haven't touched them.God help my awesome prof.
This post is as always the way it happens with my stuff--kinda arbit :P so please excuse mistakes as generally I don't like to go through my posts after writing them,it's kind spontaneous.Comments are as always welcome :)
A lot has happened around me in this last year or if I zero in ,in the last 3 months.How do you say in flowery english?.ahh....A lot of water has passed under the bridge since thenI f I look back,I probably feel that it's just taken me 3 months to grow up.Suddenly there is this new ,probably more mature view of things and my response to them.Though I still stay arbit :P .There used to be this film in front of my eyes and it seems to have suddenly lifted.
I was always under the belief that for everything,every action,every object,every person you had 2 categories.Whenever you faced any of these,your first decision would be to divide it into these 2 categories and that would define my response.These two categories were simple--right or wrong,black or white,yes or no.There was no middle path.There was no middle state.My life was on a false track but everything was clear as far as i saw.I was basically rigid
Then the things start changing.My first exposure to the middle path was while chatting with a friend.We were discussing about commitment and my rigid view was whatever happens one should have only one companion and whatever differences between them later on,they should try to settle it amongst themselves.I gave examples of arranged marriages where couples live their entire lives where many times they are 180 degrees apart.The other person pointed out that how can you have such a rigid view?relationships are bound to happen and break up,it's not necessary that every relation would work out for those saat janams and it never makes sense to search for that one ultimate person and in the end you would be left with none.
I thought a lot about this and yeah,it does make sense.I mean why do things have to be rigid,every rule has been made by us for our inconvenience so there went my one rigid,1 sided view.
In the last 3 months I have seen so many things that I can no longer say what's right and what's wrong.Suddenly my whole world had become upside down.Here I was,someone with 2 of his guiding torches and suddenly you smash them.I was blind,trackless for some time.For each and every situation I tried to put in a definitive answer,a definitive stance or my perception of right and wrong.The result-I went on complicating stuff.My whole effort of resolving things around me by my way was getting back at me and I kinda turned desperate.Then an advice from a friend,don't try to tinker with stuff,let them be as they are and they would resolve automaticallyThe basic idea was to not label anything right or wrong,there maybe situations when you yourself won't know what's right and wrong.There are situations when you yourself don't know what's right and what's wrong,places you find everything right and everything wrong.Each character's view from his viewpoint seems perfectly right.That's the time when they have to be left as they are.I strongly disagreed but it worked.
There was trouble initially accepting that there is this new damn state called--undecidedness,a gray area which is neither right nor wrong,a basically no decision state.I was at pains to even get hold of this state and the worst part,increasingly more and more things fell into this grey state.I was supposed to not tinker with stuff,I couldn't take a decision on them.Once or twice I tried taking a decision but in the end it backfired.
Enough of arbit stuff for now,since I am free these days,I hope to keep blogging a li'l bit more.So I apologise to people if they will have to suffer these posts :P
The crux of this post was only that I was wrong when I used to see only right and wrong,in real life you never have these two states you have a third,a very important middle state.Every moment you try to get away from it to a definitive state but there is no escaping it.It's awkward but it's real.
Ohh,If you are still there,here I am sharing a small piece I wrote,it's worthless wrote it in half an hour and never tried to improve upon it since then, but still it's better to share with others than keep it in one small corner of my comp :P
First a disclaimer,this post is in no way related to institute's happenings so if you are thinking of finding something there then I am sorry.
It's been approximately a year since my last post.Not that nothing eventful has happened since then,it's just that to get that tempo to write a few words which would be grammatically correct and with proper punctuation is more than what you can expect from this lazy guy.Finally I have the tempo to write this long delayed piece.The best part is,I get the ideas to do all this only at times when I have some really important work in my hand.I am supposed to read 3 chapters of Bayesian Statistics which are the key to my internship and haven't touched them.God help my awesome prof.
This post is as always the way it happens with my stuff--kinda arbit :P so please excuse mistakes as generally I don't like to go through my posts after writing them,it's kind spontaneous.Comments are as always welcome :)
A lot has happened around me in this last year or if I zero in ,in the last 3 months.How do you say in flowery english?.ahh....A lot of water has passed under the bridge since thenI f I look back,I probably feel that it's just taken me 3 months to grow up.Suddenly there is this new ,probably more mature view of things and my response to them.Though I still stay arbit :P .There used to be this film in front of my eyes and it seems to have suddenly lifted.
I was always under the belief that for everything,every action,every object,every person you had 2 categories.Whenever you faced any of these,your first decision would be to divide it into these 2 categories and that would define my response.These two categories were simple--right or wrong,black or white,yes or no.There was no middle path.There was no middle state.My life was on a false track but everything was clear as far as i saw.I was basically rigid
Then the things start changing.My first exposure to the middle path was while chatting with a friend.We were discussing about commitment and my rigid view was whatever happens one should have only one companion and whatever differences between them later on,they should try to settle it amongst themselves.I gave examples of arranged marriages where couples live their entire lives where many times they are 180 degrees apart.The other person pointed out that how can you have such a rigid view?relationships are bound to happen and break up,it's not necessary that every relation would work out for those saat janams and it never makes sense to search for that one ultimate person and in the end you would be left with none.
I thought a lot about this and yeah,it does make sense.I mean why do things have to be rigid,every rule has been made by us for our inconvenience so there went my one rigid,1 sided view.
In the last 3 months I have seen so many things that I can no longer say what's right and what's wrong.Suddenly my whole world had become upside down.Here I was,someone with 2 of his guiding torches and suddenly you smash them.I was blind,trackless for some time.For each and every situation I tried to put in a definitive answer,a definitive stance or my perception of right and wrong.The result-I went on complicating stuff.My whole effort of resolving things around me by my way was getting back at me and I kinda turned desperate.Then an advice from a friend,don't try to tinker with stuff,let them be as they are and they would resolve automaticallyThe basic idea was to not label anything right or wrong,there maybe situations when you yourself won't know what's right and wrong.There are situations when you yourself don't know what's right and what's wrong,places you find everything right and everything wrong.Each character's view from his viewpoint seems perfectly right.That's the time when they have to be left as they are.I strongly disagreed but it worked.
There was trouble initially accepting that there is this new damn state called--undecidedness,a gray area which is neither right nor wrong,a basically no decision state.I was at pains to even get hold of this state and the worst part,increasingly more and more things fell into this grey state.I was supposed to not tinker with stuff,I couldn't take a decision on them.Once or twice I tried taking a decision but in the end it backfired.
Enough of arbit stuff for now,since I am free these days,I hope to keep blogging a li'l bit more.So I apologise to people if they will have to suffer these posts :P
The crux of this post was only that I was wrong when I used to see only right and wrong,in real life you never have these two states you have a third,a very important middle state.Every moment you try to get away from it to a definitive state but there is no escaping it.It's awkward but it's real.
Ohh,If you are still there,here I am sharing a small piece I wrote,it's worthless wrote it in half an hour and never tried to improve upon it since then, but still it's better to share with others than keep it in one small corner of my comp :P
A 3 year old kid Laughing and crying without any care
Seems to be like in total bliss.
He thinks he is the king of the world demanding everything in the world he likes
Aeroplanes ,he-man ,action heroes of sorts are what he always craves for
These are his world , these are his life and give him all the happiness in the world
Around these toys he builds and centers all his life
Tomorrow if any of these disappear his whole world is destroyed
And every one becomes his biggest enemy
there is sorrow in his life ,there are tears
He cant accept this change,this whole state devoid of life , and asks for the old order to be restored
But life doesn’t work the way he wants ,so he only gets a replacement for the toys he lost
And he has to make himself happy adjusting in the new order ,making his life same again ,only for this new order to be broken again.
And I pray and I plead everyday to smother that little child in me
To let me live life in a normal way
A life where changes are the order of the day.Dreams are broken and formed everyday
Coz what I want in this life is only an eternal order never to be disturbed ever and ever again
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Lucky Me
For the last 1 year I have been thinking how lucky I am.In my bad phases(probably like now ) I would generally call myself the unluckiest guy in this planet,but frankly if I look back I have been really lucky.
I spent most of my childhood in North-East,the supposed jangli areas......but probably they have been the best days of my life,they have taught me to do anything by MY way.
From North-East I went to lucknow,probably another great phase of my life and then to Madurai.In each of these places invariably I have benefitted the most,I have got what I wanted(well almost always).
Be it winning Inter-House Badminton matches in Lucknow or becoming Head Boy in Madurai,yes these things look small now infact probably silly,but believe me at that time they meant the world to me.Wearing the Head Boy badge was probably the sole reason for me to go to school.
From Madurai another fad crept into my mind--IIT.Didnt clear it the first time(again probably the unluckiest guy in the world :D ),did the second time but with a paltry rank of 3200,was I upset?...of course I have to be,instead of celebrating that I finally got into IIT,I was ruing the fact that all I got was a rank of 3200(typical anshul :P).
Now over to Kgp,as a first year and in supposed waste branches like SI,it was supposed to be my duty to maaro fight for a Department Change,but surprisingly I don't.Yeah I had a crappy cgpa of 7.6 at the end of first sem but the more important thing was that surprisingly I liked my branch.Its a fact-----Chemistry had ruined me in first sem,mechanics mujhe chamakta nahi tha,mining meta was obviously out of bounds and core maths was again hallufying stuff.The only branch with a hoohaa name was probably Industrial Engineering but at that cg of mine I had no chance of getting it,so Yo SI.
The only problem with SI is,what I am more concerned about ,the Integrated MSc degree.Whereevr I go,whomever I meet I try to hide the fact that I am an Int MSc guy.General view would be if you like your branch then it shouldnt matter to you.But,it matters to me,why?....I dont know,I hate it when someone takes an impression about me thats totally wrong.I am not a sub-standard IITian,cleared JEE(okay...fine with only 3200 rank after 1 yr drop..but still I did),have a decent CGPA,but still there will always be eyebrows ki why did you take such a course instead of a BTech degree,whatever let's revert to main topic.
SI is probably the only branch in which I could survive at IIT.yeah I am always crying ki there's no scope of branch and velli branch hai,but again SI is the best.Today in SI I learn what I can apply in my job 3 years later,and jobs in the sector which others would die for.I know ki guys from other branches too go into core jobs,but at least I won't waste my 4 years out here learning mechanics or aerodynamics and then estimate future investment patterns or some other finance funda in some I-Bank.Today for a core job in popular sectors there is fight from all the 7 IITs.But for my branch at least the competition is minimal ;) .
Now comes the other part of my kgp life,since first year I was never in a society,ulti frusstapa,my wing had so many members of ScholsAve it was like irritating.Come 2nd year and suddenly I am invited by some seniors to be a part of TTG,my reason-probably to stay in touch with some tech stuff and secondly obviously to satisfy my ego to be part of a group.
Full 2nd year I work for TTG,get scoffed at by Hall seniors ki Kamra tu hall ke liye kaam nahi kar raha(one such comment came in 3rd year too) but in the end I probably believed in what some seniors told me:-Believe in what you want to do and do it....baaki sab bhaad mein jaayein.
By the end of 2nd year we at TTG organise a techno-expo something unique and surprisingly big for a group which was in its first year.today I am a Head of that group and am really proud of it.The group has changed me in a way probably my being totally involved in Hall wouldn't have.People say ki you could have managed both Hall and TTG,sorry that's not possible for me,either I am incompetent to handle two things or I believe in giving more than 100% to work that I am doing so that no energy is left in me two give more than 100% to the other thing.
Now the most important part-Friends.All my life living in far-flung areas I had become more of an introvert,even till date I don't allow anyone to easily come close to me nor I am able to get close to people as friend.Still I am really lucky to have great friends,wherever I have gone,I havent been able to maintain my friendship with them but I have encountered greatest friends.These have been the people who have really made me understand the meaning of friendship.Today any problem,any irritation just one ping on gtalk and thats it life's good once again :) And I wouldnt have encountered them if I wouldnt have been lucky.
I posted this blog at 3 30 in the morning because at the moment this is straight from my heart.I apologise for any grammatical mistakes.One point though, all this story that I have written in this probably the most important paragraph has been the one about friends and with this post I probably wanted to thank them for all they have done and apologise to them for all I couldnt do for them.
cheers!!
I spent most of my childhood in North-East,the supposed jangli areas......but probably they have been the best days of my life,they have taught me to do anything by MY way.
From North-East I went to lucknow,probably another great phase of my life and then to Madurai.In each of these places invariably I have benefitted the most,I have got what I wanted(well almost always).
Be it winning Inter-House Badminton matches in Lucknow or becoming Head Boy in Madurai,yes these things look small now infact probably silly,but believe me at that time they meant the world to me.Wearing the Head Boy badge was probably the sole reason for me to go to school.
From Madurai another fad crept into my mind--IIT.Didnt clear it the first time(again probably the unluckiest guy in the world :D ),did the second time but with a paltry rank of 3200,was I upset?...of course I have to be,instead of celebrating that I finally got into IIT,I was ruing the fact that all I got was a rank of 3200(typical anshul :P).
Now over to Kgp,as a first year and in supposed waste branches like SI,it was supposed to be my duty to maaro fight for a Department Change,but surprisingly I don't.Yeah I had a crappy cgpa of 7.6 at the end of first sem but the more important thing was that surprisingly I liked my branch.Its a fact-----Chemistry had ruined me in first sem,mechanics mujhe chamakta nahi tha,mining meta was obviously out of bounds and core maths was again hallufying stuff.The only branch with a hoohaa name was probably Industrial Engineering but at that cg of mine I had no chance of getting it,so Yo SI.
The only problem with SI is,what I am more concerned about ,the Integrated MSc degree.Whereevr I go,whomever I meet I try to hide the fact that I am an Int MSc guy.General view would be if you like your branch then it shouldnt matter to you.But,it matters to me,why?....I dont know,I hate it when someone takes an impression about me thats totally wrong.I am not a sub-standard IITian,cleared JEE(okay...fine with only 3200 rank after 1 yr drop..but still I did),have a decent CGPA,but still there will always be eyebrows ki why did you take such a course instead of a BTech degree,whatever let's revert to main topic.
SI is probably the only branch in which I could survive at IIT.yeah I am always crying ki there's no scope of branch and velli branch hai,but again SI is the best.Today in SI I learn what I can apply in my job 3 years later,and jobs in the sector which others would die for.I know ki guys from other branches too go into core jobs,but at least I won't waste my 4 years out here learning mechanics or aerodynamics and then estimate future investment patterns or some other finance funda in some I-Bank.Today for a core job in popular sectors there is fight from all the 7 IITs.But for my branch at least the competition is minimal ;) .
Now comes the other part of my kgp life,since first year I was never in a society,ulti frusstapa,my wing had so many members of ScholsAve it was like irritating.Come 2nd year and suddenly I am invited by some seniors to be a part of TTG,my reason-probably to stay in touch with some tech stuff and secondly obviously to satisfy my ego to be part of a group.
Full 2nd year I work for TTG,get scoffed at by Hall seniors ki Kamra tu hall ke liye kaam nahi kar raha(one such comment came in 3rd year too) but in the end I probably believed in what some seniors told me:-Believe in what you want to do and do it....baaki sab bhaad mein jaayein.
By the end of 2nd year we at TTG organise a techno-expo something unique and surprisingly big for a group which was in its first year.today I am a Head of that group and am really proud of it.The group has changed me in a way probably my being totally involved in Hall wouldn't have.People say ki you could have managed both Hall and TTG,sorry that's not possible for me,either I am incompetent to handle two things or I believe in giving more than 100% to work that I am doing so that no energy is left in me two give more than 100% to the other thing.
Now the most important part-Friends.All my life living in far-flung areas I had become more of an introvert,even till date I don't allow anyone to easily come close to me nor I am able to get close to people as friend.Still I am really lucky to have great friends,wherever I have gone,I havent been able to maintain my friendship with them but I have encountered greatest friends.These have been the people who have really made me understand the meaning of friendship.Today any problem,any irritation just one ping on gtalk and thats it life's good once again :) And I wouldnt have encountered them if I wouldnt have been lucky.
I posted this blog at 3 30 in the morning because at the moment this is straight from my heart.I apologise for any grammatical mistakes.One point though, all this story that I have written in this probably the most important paragraph has been the one about friends and with this post I probably wanted to thank them for all they have done and apologise to them for all I couldnt do for them.
cheers!!
Saturday, June 28, 2008
North-East continues
The Problem with we Indians is we never try to go deep into the problems and just make some random conclusions.One word of North-East and the immediate image of terrorists,bomb blasts etc comes up,nobody cares to think about the root cause of this trouble.Why did so many militant groups come up in North East?...why not in UP,TN AP etc?
The answer,is easy---Ignorance and tedhi thinking by those in the centre of power.
When these areas came under India's control,the erstwhile kings and people were assured that their interests will be taken care of,that these areas will not be ignored and they will be integrated with the Indian society.But unfortunately that didn't happen.These areas came under Central Govt and states like Manipur were ruled by a Chief Secretary whose only aim after coming to these places was to amass wealth.
With no support from the Central Govt and conditions deteriorating the people didn't have any other choice than to revolt.
You may say,why did they revolt by taking weapons,well the bitter truth is that the Indian state never turns it's attention to problems unless some blood is shed.Now the demand of these militant groups has become that they want to separate from India,obviously they are being supported by other countries in this regard,but again India itself is to blame for it.We are the ones responsible if they say that Tumhare India ne humein kya diya hai? ..and funnily some ppl if come to India to work,they say ki India jaa rahe hain,I mean yeah they are at fault in saying this,ek to tum yahaan ka khana khate ho,fir ussi ke against bolte ho?....but what i want to underline is If we had integrated these areas earlier into our country,such things wouldn't have happened.
these groups have their own uniforms with ranks like Captain etc. all the Army Units know the position of their camps,i mean if you expect that in this age of high technology we can't find such camps in a small region like North East,then that's foolishness.The main reason is lack of Political conviction.today on the face all the politicians want insurgency to end,Undergrounds(North East militants) to come on negotiation table etc. but do they really want it??...of course not. If Insurgency ends what topic will be there to divert people's attention from other maladies like Unemployment,lack of economic development?
today when these militant groups demand that they want to separate from India,I don't understand what they will do if they get these areas.they can't survive with help of Myanmar,wo khud ko sambhale yaan inko dekhe,and if they expect China,then probably they are biggest fools,obviously without India they can't survive....
so even if we start today.By providing economic opportunities to these areas,in terms of Tourism and industries I don't think that militancy can last,because after all, it thrives only under partial support from the side of the people,and when people are happy why will anyone act in a militant way.
The above expressed views are more in the context of Manipur,also after reading you may think that I am a total anti India banda etc.No,Its notI love my motherland,jeeonga bhi issi mitti par aur maroonga bhi yahin, I just hate the stupid Politicians of this country.
The answer,is easy---Ignorance and tedhi thinking by those in the centre of power.
When these areas came under India's control,the erstwhile kings and people were assured that their interests will be taken care of,that these areas will not be ignored and they will be integrated with the Indian society.But unfortunately that didn't happen.These areas came under Central Govt and states like Manipur were ruled by a Chief Secretary whose only aim after coming to these places was to amass wealth.
With no support from the Central Govt and conditions deteriorating the people didn't have any other choice than to revolt.
You may say,why did they revolt by taking weapons,well the bitter truth is that the Indian state never turns it's attention to problems unless some blood is shed.Now the demand of these militant groups has become that they want to separate from India,obviously they are being supported by other countries in this regard,but again India itself is to blame for it.We are the ones responsible if they say that Tumhare India ne humein kya diya hai? ..and funnily some ppl if come to India to work,they say ki India jaa rahe hain,I mean yeah they are at fault in saying this,ek to tum yahaan ka khana khate ho,fir ussi ke against bolte ho?....but what i want to underline is If we had integrated these areas earlier into our country,such things wouldn't have happened.
these groups have their own uniforms with ranks like Captain etc. all the Army Units know the position of their camps,i mean if you expect that in this age of high technology we can't find such camps in a small region like North East,then that's foolishness.The main reason is lack of Political conviction.today on the face all the politicians want insurgency to end,Undergrounds(North East militants) to come on negotiation table etc. but do they really want it??...of course not. If Insurgency ends what topic will be there to divert people's attention from other maladies like Unemployment,lack of economic development?
today when these militant groups demand that they want to separate from India,I don't understand what they will do if they get these areas.they can't survive with help of Myanmar,wo khud ko sambhale yaan inko dekhe,and if they expect China,then probably they are biggest fools,obviously without India they can't survive....
so even if we start today.By providing economic opportunities to these areas,in terms of Tourism and industries I don't think that militancy can last,because after all, it thrives only under partial support from the side of the people,and when people are happy why will anyone act in a militant way.
The above expressed views are more in the context of Manipur,also after reading you may think that I am a total anti India banda etc.No,Its notI love my motherland,jeeonga bhi issi mitti par aur maroonga bhi yahin, I just hate the stupid Politicians of this country.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Starting lines
Finally after thinking for more than a year,here I am with my blog and what better place to start other than my office,the place where I started playing CS(something that I avoided even in Kgp).
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