From our childhood, we are taught the presence of good and evil around us. The victory of good over evil and the importance of taking a righteous path.
When we left our schools, we were given lectures that finally you are leaving the safe environs of school and going into the 'Big Bad World' for struggling. A world where everyone thinks of just himself, a world where you'd have to fight for each and every trophy of yours, a world where there'd be knives always drawn on your back masked by sweetest smiles. It's surprising that I've completed 4 years of my College life and still there's no sign of that kind of world! Where are those big bad evil doers? I guess now there'd be lectures about corporate world etc etc. I don't know what future holds for me in terms of people I encounter but one general observation that I've made is that, if you choose to ignore 1 or 2 glaring inadequacies in 90% of the people you'd find that all of them are actually quite good. If you are yourself good to the people then it's actually a party for you. I don't know if IITs again would be called a safe environment, but I've met loads of people out here, more people during 2 months of internship in France. Still, I was surprised that everyone, well almost, has been actually quite good towards me. Maybe I am plane lucky and those Really Evil devils are just around the corner waiting to strike me, I don't know, but till now people have been quite good.
The other day i was thinking this scenario---
We talk about the need to take a righteous path. Whenever we have 2 paths in front of us--- A & B . We choose a particular path and depending upon our ability to absorb the degree of suffering we call the path taken a right one or a wrong one. I think it's not right to call a path right or wrong just on the basis of suferring. Say if you chose path A and you suffered till time X and you get an example of a person who took path B and suffered till time Y. Y turned out to be less than X so you start ruing your choice.
What we forget is that it's these decisions that we make which make each one of us so unique, otherwise won't all of us have been same people following same algorithm?
Again coming back to the paths. You rue your decision but you don't realise what effect this suffering till X time will have on your other decisions, It's all like correlated, maybe later on this suferring thing actually turns out good for you,
I guess you may have been kinda confused by now but what I basically meant was, when you have a choice of decisions, you make a decision which you agree with at that time, later on whatever outcome may be, it doesn't make sense if you rue your decision as that's weird coz you can't go back and take path B and see how your life would have been if that would have happened coz we still don't have a time machine :)
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Me and Myself
Dunno if everyone goes through this phase at some point, or maybe it's just me being a crackpot. But sometimes there seems to be this such an utter lack of decision around that so many times things seem surreal. You seem to be in conflict with your own self at times. You don't know as to what 'you want at the end' and 'what do you need to get that' and worst, do you really need that or something else?
It's more of that severe internal conflict. If you are doing something, to what avail?...if you want something then why?....you wanna be with friends, at every moment, u hate that empty room with those stupid blank walls staring at you, that dumb monitor screen on the Gtalk screen of which you constantly search for some friend who would be vella to maro bhaat .But when u r with those very friends then you just want to be with them rather then talk talk and talk. The problem is after some time, those friends too get tired .
You don't want to lose things, but you don't have any incentive that you can offer to keep them. Then you think maybe i'd try buying new things but you realise you don't have anything to buy them.
Lastly and most importantly you think that Life is a Bitch. There are moments when you want to change things our way, be at places you can't be, want the stuff you can never get, be with people you can never meet. You forget that somethings are just impossible, and keep hitting that stupid wall called 'impossible' again and again and again. But, to no avail. In the end you get tired. You rue your mistakes, get obsessed with that wall and keep trying till that wall breaks you. But in between you also know that there is an alternate way, a way around the wall. But why can't you go through that aternate route?, simple reason, you want only that way, it's your ego thats guiding you.
And Weiredly, there are equivalently random moments in between too, when you actually get out of that dark mode. When you realise, man, I'm any day better than those thousands of other losers. You love that life of yours you have created, you love those friends of yours and look down upon those thousands of other losers.
And you keep going. Looking for those single girls and still ruing as to why they don't notice you, for that 'free for dinner?' friend. Be inwardly happy, thinking how lucky after all you are. Planning for some random instances of life.
Until one fine day, when you start thinking that even though I am better than those thousands others, still I am a loser.
Happy Diwali :)
It's more of that severe internal conflict. If you are doing something, to what avail?...if you want something then why?....you wanna be with friends, at every moment, u hate that empty room with those stupid blank walls staring at you, that dumb monitor screen on the Gtalk screen of which you constantly search for some friend who would be vella to maro bhaat .But when u r with those very friends then you just want to be with them rather then talk talk and talk. The problem is after some time, those friends too get tired .
You don't want to lose things, but you don't have any incentive that you can offer to keep them. Then you think maybe i'd try buying new things but you realise you don't have anything to buy them.
Lastly and most importantly you think that Life is a Bitch. There are moments when you want to change things our way, be at places you can't be, want the stuff you can never get, be with people you can never meet. You forget that somethings are just impossible, and keep hitting that stupid wall called 'impossible' again and again and again. But, to no avail. In the end you get tired. You rue your mistakes, get obsessed with that wall and keep trying till that wall breaks you. But in between you also know that there is an alternate way, a way around the wall. But why can't you go through that aternate route?, simple reason, you want only that way, it's your ego thats guiding you.
And Weiredly, there are equivalently random moments in between too, when you actually get out of that dark mode. When you realise, man, I'm any day better than those thousands of other losers. You love that life of yours you have created, you love those friends of yours and look down upon those thousands of other losers.
And you keep going. Looking for those single girls and still ruing as to why they don't notice you, for that 'free for dinner?' friend. Be inwardly happy, thinking how lucky after all you are. Planning for some random instances of life.
Until one fine day, when you start thinking that even though I am better than those thousands others, still I am a loser.
Happy Diwali :)
Sunday, June 14, 2009
My December
Just an arbit unpolished thought on an arbit sunday when I was giving my poor foot a little bit of rest and in the process getting bored like hell
Just remembered that last December
The sweeping cold
The wide delhi roads
The snazzy cars sweeping by
With a mind of their own
The morning fog covering all
The cold milk of kavenders
The chaos of chandni chowk
That paranthe wali gali
That metro ride
The rich and poor sitting side by side
Most of all I remember,
The cold nights,with fog sweeping by
Wide desolate roads
With occasional cars zipping by
And i miss walking on those delhi roads
me and my thoughts
Only, This time i picture you with me
holding my hand.smiling, silently
and i soak in those smells
The smell of your hair, the smell of the city
the smell of that eternal night
and we talk about everything
but we speak with our eyes
and i see the world through your eyes
marvelling at all those hues
This is how i picture my December
maybe, just maybe someday. this is how it would be
Delhi roads, delhi roads and just you and me.
Ahh maybe this is what is missing home
Maybe this is what is missing you
Just remembered that last December
The sweeping cold
The wide delhi roads
The snazzy cars sweeping by
With a mind of their own
The morning fog covering all
The cold milk of kavenders
The chaos of chandni chowk
That paranthe wali gali
That metro ride
The rich and poor sitting side by side
Most of all I remember,
The cold nights,with fog sweeping by
Wide desolate roads
With occasional cars zipping by
And i miss walking on those delhi roads
me and my thoughts
Only, This time i picture you with me
holding my hand.smiling, silently
and i soak in those smells
The smell of your hair, the smell of the city
the smell of that eternal night
and we talk about everything
but we speak with our eyes
and i see the world through your eyes
marvelling at all those hues
This is how i picture my December
maybe, just maybe someday. this is how it would be
Delhi roads, delhi roads and just you and me.
Ahh maybe this is what is missing home
Maybe this is what is missing you
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Right and Wrong
Hi everyone,
First a disclaimer,this post is in no way related to institute's happenings so if you are thinking of finding something there then I am sorry.
It's been approximately a year since my last post.Not that nothing eventful has happened since then,it's just that to get that tempo to write a few words which would be grammatically correct and with proper punctuation is more than what you can expect from this lazy guy.Finally I have the tempo to write this long delayed piece.The best part is,I get the ideas to do all this only at times when I have some really important work in my hand.I am supposed to read 3 chapters of Bayesian Statistics which are the key to my internship and haven't touched them.God help my awesome prof.
This post is as always the way it happens with my stuff--kinda arbit :P so please excuse mistakes as generally I don't like to go through my posts after writing them,it's kind spontaneous.Comments are as always welcome :)
A lot has happened around me in this last year or if I zero in ,in the last 3 months.How do you say in flowery english?.ahh....A lot of water has passed under the bridge since thenI f I look back,I probably feel that it's just taken me 3 months to grow up.Suddenly there is this new ,probably more mature view of things and my response to them.Though I still stay arbit :P .There used to be this film in front of my eyes and it seems to have suddenly lifted.
I was always under the belief that for everything,every action,every object,every person you had 2 categories.Whenever you faced any of these,your first decision would be to divide it into these 2 categories and that would define my response.These two categories were simple--right or wrong,black or white,yes or no.There was no middle path.There was no middle state.My life was on a false track but everything was clear as far as i saw.I was basically rigid
Then the things start changing.My first exposure to the middle path was while chatting with a friend.We were discussing about commitment and my rigid view was whatever happens one should have only one companion and whatever differences between them later on,they should try to settle it amongst themselves.I gave examples of arranged marriages where couples live their entire lives where many times they are 180 degrees apart.The other person pointed out that how can you have such a rigid view?relationships are bound to happen and break up,it's not necessary that every relation would work out for those saat janams and it never makes sense to search for that one ultimate person and in the end you would be left with none.
I thought a lot about this and yeah,it does make sense.I mean why do things have to be rigid,every rule has been made by us for our inconvenience so there went my one rigid,1 sided view.
In the last 3 months I have seen so many things that I can no longer say what's right and what's wrong.Suddenly my whole world had become upside down.Here I was,someone with 2 of his guiding torches and suddenly you smash them.I was blind,trackless for some time.For each and every situation I tried to put in a definitive answer,a definitive stance or my perception of right and wrong.The result-I went on complicating stuff.My whole effort of resolving things around me by my way was getting back at me and I kinda turned desperate.Then an advice from a friend,don't try to tinker with stuff,let them be as they are and they would resolve automaticallyThe basic idea was to not label anything right or wrong,there maybe situations when you yourself won't know what's right and wrong.There are situations when you yourself don't know what's right and what's wrong,places you find everything right and everything wrong.Each character's view from his viewpoint seems perfectly right.That's the time when they have to be left as they are.I strongly disagreed but it worked.
There was trouble initially accepting that there is this new damn state called--undecidedness,a gray area which is neither right nor wrong,a basically no decision state.I was at pains to even get hold of this state and the worst part,increasingly more and more things fell into this grey state.I was supposed to not tinker with stuff,I couldn't take a decision on them.Once or twice I tried taking a decision but in the end it backfired.
Enough of arbit stuff for now,since I am free these days,I hope to keep blogging a li'l bit more.So I apologise to people if they will have to suffer these posts :P
The crux of this post was only that I was wrong when I used to see only right and wrong,in real life you never have these two states you have a third,a very important middle state.Every moment you try to get away from it to a definitive state but there is no escaping it.It's awkward but it's real.
Ohh,If you are still there,here I am sharing a small piece I wrote,it's worthless wrote it in half an hour and never tried to improve upon it since then, but still it's better to share with others than keep it in one small corner of my comp :P
First a disclaimer,this post is in no way related to institute's happenings so if you are thinking of finding something there then I am sorry.
It's been approximately a year since my last post.Not that nothing eventful has happened since then,it's just that to get that tempo to write a few words which would be grammatically correct and with proper punctuation is more than what you can expect from this lazy guy.Finally I have the tempo to write this long delayed piece.The best part is,I get the ideas to do all this only at times when I have some really important work in my hand.I am supposed to read 3 chapters of Bayesian Statistics which are the key to my internship and haven't touched them.God help my awesome prof.
This post is as always the way it happens with my stuff--kinda arbit :P so please excuse mistakes as generally I don't like to go through my posts after writing them,it's kind spontaneous.Comments are as always welcome :)
A lot has happened around me in this last year or if I zero in ,in the last 3 months.How do you say in flowery english?.ahh....A lot of water has passed under the bridge since thenI f I look back,I probably feel that it's just taken me 3 months to grow up.Suddenly there is this new ,probably more mature view of things and my response to them.Though I still stay arbit :P .There used to be this film in front of my eyes and it seems to have suddenly lifted.
I was always under the belief that for everything,every action,every object,every person you had 2 categories.Whenever you faced any of these,your first decision would be to divide it into these 2 categories and that would define my response.These two categories were simple--right or wrong,black or white,yes or no.There was no middle path.There was no middle state.My life was on a false track but everything was clear as far as i saw.I was basically rigid
Then the things start changing.My first exposure to the middle path was while chatting with a friend.We were discussing about commitment and my rigid view was whatever happens one should have only one companion and whatever differences between them later on,they should try to settle it amongst themselves.I gave examples of arranged marriages where couples live their entire lives where many times they are 180 degrees apart.The other person pointed out that how can you have such a rigid view?relationships are bound to happen and break up,it's not necessary that every relation would work out for those saat janams and it never makes sense to search for that one ultimate person and in the end you would be left with none.
I thought a lot about this and yeah,it does make sense.I mean why do things have to be rigid,every rule has been made by us for our inconvenience so there went my one rigid,1 sided view.
In the last 3 months I have seen so many things that I can no longer say what's right and what's wrong.Suddenly my whole world had become upside down.Here I was,someone with 2 of his guiding torches and suddenly you smash them.I was blind,trackless for some time.For each and every situation I tried to put in a definitive answer,a definitive stance or my perception of right and wrong.The result-I went on complicating stuff.My whole effort of resolving things around me by my way was getting back at me and I kinda turned desperate.Then an advice from a friend,don't try to tinker with stuff,let them be as they are and they would resolve automaticallyThe basic idea was to not label anything right or wrong,there maybe situations when you yourself won't know what's right and wrong.There are situations when you yourself don't know what's right and what's wrong,places you find everything right and everything wrong.Each character's view from his viewpoint seems perfectly right.That's the time when they have to be left as they are.I strongly disagreed but it worked.
There was trouble initially accepting that there is this new damn state called--undecidedness,a gray area which is neither right nor wrong,a basically no decision state.I was at pains to even get hold of this state and the worst part,increasingly more and more things fell into this grey state.I was supposed to not tinker with stuff,I couldn't take a decision on them.Once or twice I tried taking a decision but in the end it backfired.
Enough of arbit stuff for now,since I am free these days,I hope to keep blogging a li'l bit more.So I apologise to people if they will have to suffer these posts :P
The crux of this post was only that I was wrong when I used to see only right and wrong,in real life you never have these two states you have a third,a very important middle state.Every moment you try to get away from it to a definitive state but there is no escaping it.It's awkward but it's real.
Ohh,If you are still there,here I am sharing a small piece I wrote,it's worthless wrote it in half an hour and never tried to improve upon it since then, but still it's better to share with others than keep it in one small corner of my comp :P
A 3 year old kid Laughing and crying without any care
Seems to be like in total bliss.
He thinks he is the king of the world demanding everything in the world he likes
Aeroplanes ,he-man ,action heroes of sorts are what he always craves for
These are his world , these are his life and give him all the happiness in the world
Around these toys he builds and centers all his life
Tomorrow if any of these disappear his whole world is destroyed
And every one becomes his biggest enemy
there is sorrow in his life ,there are tears
He cant accept this change,this whole state devoid of life , and asks for the old order to be restored
But life doesn’t work the way he wants ,so he only gets a replacement for the toys he lost
And he has to make himself happy adjusting in the new order ,making his life same again ,only for this new order to be broken again.
And I pray and I plead everyday to smother that little child in me
To let me live life in a normal way
A life where changes are the order of the day.Dreams are broken and formed everyday
Coz what I want in this life is only an eternal order never to be disturbed ever and ever again
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