First a disclaimer,this post is in no way related to institute's happenings so if you are thinking of finding something there then I am sorry.
It's been approximately a year since my last post.Not that nothing eventful has happened since then,it's just that to get that tempo to write a few words which would be grammatically correct and with proper punctuation is more than what you can expect from this lazy guy.Finally I have the tempo to write this long delayed piece.The best part is,I get the ideas to do all this only at times when I have some really important work in my hand.I am supposed to read 3 chapters of Bayesian Statistics which are the key to my internship and haven't touched them.God help my awesome prof.
This post is as always the way it happens with my stuff--kinda arbit :P so please excuse mistakes as generally I don't like to go through my posts after writing them,it's kind spontaneous.Comments are as always welcome :)
A lot has happened around me in this last year or if I zero in ,in the last 3 months.How do you say in flowery english?.ahh....A lot of water has passed under the bridge since thenI f I look back,I probably feel that it's just taken me 3 months to grow up.Suddenly there is this new ,probably more mature view of things and my response to them.Though I still stay arbit :P .There used to be this film in front of my eyes and it seems to have suddenly lifted.
I was always under the belief that for everything,every action,every object,every person you had 2 categories.Whenever you faced any of these,your first decision would be to divide it into these 2 categories and that would define my response.These two categories were simple--right or wrong,black or white,yes or no.There was no middle path.There was no middle state.My life was on a false track but everything was clear as far as i saw.I was basically rigid
Then the things start changing.My first exposure to the middle path was while chatting with a friend.We were discussing about commitment and my rigid view was whatever happens one should have only one companion and whatever differences between them later on,they should try to settle it amongst themselves.I gave examples of arranged marriages where couples live their entire lives where many times they are 180 degrees apart.The other person pointed out that how can you have such a rigid view?relationships are bound to happen and break up,it's not necessary that every relation would work out for those saat janams and it never makes sense to search for that one ultimate person and in the end you would be left with none.
I thought a lot about this and yeah,it does make sense.I mean why do things have to be rigid,every rule has been made by us for our inconvenience so there went my one rigid,1 sided view.
In the last 3 months I have seen so many things that I can no longer say what's right and what's wrong.Suddenly my whole world had become upside down.Here I was,someone with 2 of his guiding torches and suddenly you smash them.I was blind,trackless for some time.For each and every situation I tried to put in a definitive answer,a definitive stance or my perception of right and wrong.The result-I went on complicating stuff.My whole effort of resolving things around me by my way was getting back at me and I kinda turned desperate.Then an advice from a friend,don't try to tinker with stuff,let them be as they are and they would resolve automaticallyThe basic idea was to not label anything right or wrong,there maybe situations when you yourself won't know what's right and wrong.There are situations when you yourself don't know what's right and what's wrong,places you find everything right and everything wrong.Each character's view from his viewpoint seems perfectly right.That's the time when they have to be left as they are.I strongly disagreed but it worked.
There was trouble initially accepting that there is this new damn state called--undecidedness,a gray area which is neither right nor wrong,a basically no decision state.I was at pains to even get hold of this state and the worst part,increasingly more and more things fell into this grey state.I was supposed to not tinker with stuff,I couldn't take a decision on them.Once or twice I tried taking a decision but in the end it backfired.
Enough of arbit stuff for now,since I am free these days,I hope to keep blogging a li'l bit more.So I apologise to people if they will have to suffer these posts :P
The crux of this post was only that I was wrong when I used to see only right and wrong,in real life you never have these two states you have a third,a very important middle state.Every moment you try to get away from it to a definitive state but there is no escaping it.It's awkward but it's real.
Ohh,If you are still there,here I am sharing a small piece I wrote,it's worthless wrote it in half an hour and never tried to improve upon it since then, but still it's better to share with others than keep it in one small corner of my comp :P
A 3 year old kid Laughing and crying without any care
Seems to be like in total bliss.
He thinks he is the king of the world demanding everything in the world he likes
Aeroplanes ,he-man ,action heroes of sorts are what he always craves for
These are his world , these are his life and give him all the happiness in the world
Around these toys he builds and centers all his life
Tomorrow if any of these disappear his whole world is destroyed
And every one becomes his biggest enemy
there is sorrow in his life ,there are tears
He cant accept this change,this whole state devoid of life , and asks for the old order to be restored
But life doesn’t work the way he wants ,so he only gets a replacement for the toys he lost
And he has to make himself happy adjusting in the new order ,making his life same again ,only for this new order to be broken again.
And I pray and I plead everyday to smother that little child in me
To let me live life in a normal way
A life where changes are the order of the day.Dreams are broken and formed everyday
Coz what I want in this life is only an eternal order never to be disturbed ever and ever again
