the Tide

Here lie my steps, on the doors to the sea
on sand sparkling white under dusk’s fading light
waiting patiently.....
to be consumed by the tide

The sun sets in, the cavities start to fill
and a slow reminiscence begins
backwards.......
of days happy, sad, painful, gay
as each outline slowly melt away
as each tangled thread slowly finds its way

The night takes its throne and with the moon’s guide
the waves work, rooting out all those lines,
all those memories being wiped out clean
tearing all those strings between, well you and me
unshackling, untying me,

the dawn’s here,
majestic rays
fall upon sand sparkling wet grey
the waves are off, tired of nigh’s work
behold, the creature of world a freeborn

a slate set to be rewritten,
rescratched and reabrased
ohh,and then erased
for the morrow by eve's tide again

ahh, life....
you tie new threads to be broken again
you write new songs to be forgotten again

Multiverse

The following conversation happened between a Physics major and a Random guy on a High --

A = Physics guy
B = Random guy

A : Dude, do you know about the multiverse theory in Physics ?
B : Nope, what's it ?

A : It was given in relation to Physics by Max Tegmark and says that there are multiple parallel universes and not just one. And basically whenever in life you are given choices as many Universes are created each pertaining to each choice.
B : Interesting ! You know such stuff already exists around us

A : How ?
B : Every time something happens to us, it changes us. And the change is so complete that you are no longer the same person. You can never go back. Of course changes vary but sometimes these changes would be so profound yet so subtle that you'd never have realised how something changed you...forever..how much ever you deny the existence of that change ! They'd be like an irreparable damage to your core.

A : what kind of change are you talking about ?
B : anything , something you gained, some loss. let's talk about loss, I'm in a 'dark' mood :P
You know every loss would grind a hole into your heart ( don't talk about it's size with me now ! ) You'd try to repair it, fill it, It's like that BP oil pipeline Burst. Times would be when you'd be in that false security that you've succeeded, but wouldn't have. It'd comeback to suck you in at times you'd never even expect. In the end you would succeed ( BP too did ! ) in the wake of it, at times you'd find the world has changed. But actually it's you who would have. A totally new being a stranger yet not a stranger but never the same person again.

A : Hmmm, Dude! you've drunk too much !
B : I guess it was max who was High when he gave this theory !

Paper Planes in Rain

That time of the day again
When i start melting into the past of you and me
Of the laughs we shared of fights we made
Just the crackle of your cool voice, warming my heart for days

The images are fresh as if yesterday
Alas, it’s the past and not today
The heart’s heavy, moments filled with sorrow
And I cling to those memories in my heart’s borough
Holding to them as the last straw, in my urge to stay senile
losing those would leave me clueless
For everything mine was filled with you

Now Today tomorrow don’t matter any more
Everything’s hazy like the dawn
For wherever I see, I search for thee
But of course it’s never gonna be
guess I’ve become those creatures of the night
taking succour into darkness, forgone from the light
to drink in sorrow to cling to the dreams
forgetting in its entirety reality’s realms

everyday I live that faint hope
of being together again
of laughing at jokes of walking hand in hand again
paper planes ,paper planes
if only, if only they could fly in the rain

and I keep sailing on a boat without a mast
no present no future to hold on
with just the quest for a past to own
and wait with a hope , faint although
of having a glimpse at that face again
when everything wrong would be perfect again
paper planes, paper planes
if only, if only they could fly in the rain

Love (my take )

Stupid Sunday. Nothing to do. So here me tries to decipher Love and some complexities with it. Here's my take on it. More than anything love is that great feeling of getting cared by someone and simultaneously getting cared back. To help in your imagination , something like 2 cute Puppies playing fondly with each other!. ( helps? ) .Anyways, it's also that feeling that there's someone out there in this world for whom you are a priority. That surety of getting total security, care and warmth from a person no matter what happens.(Remember that statement -- Whatever happens, I'm there for you btw Hey, I just got that favorite star of yours plucked for you)

I guess love is a curious amalgamation of all of these. Not all holding true for everyone. I am an egoist, self praising pompous idiot. So, these were my insights. It's really a great feeling to love and be loved back by someone. But what to do if that dream shatters ? Do you keep carrying that extra baggage of broken shards with you? to be constantly cut and reminded of those most beautiful moments of life that you had ? Do you carry those scars inside you forever ? to be kept as a lesson learnt and just hide behind those, more like your war scars, only that these ould b terribly tough to heal? Or do you do the obvious( I mean what's that favorite 2 word suggestion of all your friends? Irrespective of you caste creed, religion or even race!) Move On! ( reminds me of Johnny Walker --Keep walking ).

Whatever be the take, sometimes the first option seems so acceptable. Forget the cuts, forget the constant cuts, that constant torture of being reminded of that beautiful dream. At least you have the broken shards as your prized possessions. Ones that constantly remind you that even if for a tiny fraction of time, that dream had a reality. There's that sense of comfort, a sense of assurance that what you had wasn't something part of your imagination. Your dream had a starting with title of actors and actresses and the movie rolling out. Only that it ended just before the Hero could grow up from a boy in shorts to that tall diminutive personality.

for everything, one word that seems to form a backbone of Love is trust. I never could understand this human judgmental scheme of defining forming and breaking trust. It's funny, how breaking someone's dream, where a life was interwoven doesn't count as a trust breaking act, whereas attempts by someone to peep ( illegally) through tightly drawn curtains into other person's life does. Though of course I agree that the 2nd act is Highly unethical and trust breaking. But why the hell is the first one not ? Yes we are funny people.

I guess we all have our own definitions of love, based on partly what we ourselves are. But again somethings are there common to us all. That dictate the switching on of those Butterflies in the Stomach and those sudden heart freezes and of course that daring feeling-- Love ke Liye Sala Kuchh Bhi Karega!

The Famished Road

That feeling again, on the road
Being at the crossroads,
Having no idea where to go
It’s sheer power, makes you bow

Making a wrong choice , Cowers you down
you are scared, looking for answers around
The previous forks haven’t been kind
You still bear the scars in your heart and your mind
But the scars weren’t because of the choice that you made
They were but a small penalty charged by the road, for walking on its braid
A penalty for getting to choose, for getting to live

Running away isn’t an option you have
Make the choice, forget the past, be brave
Coz after all its your life, your decision
Your consequences so no imposition
For, its the choice to a new beginning, your crossroad
But in the end, its just a famished road

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

From our childhood, we are taught the presence of good and evil around us. The victory of good over evil and the importance of taking a righteous path.
When we left our schools, we were given lectures that finally you are leaving the safe environs of school and going into the 'Big Bad World' for struggling. A world where everyone thinks of just himself, a world where you'd have to fight for each and every trophy of yours, a world where there'd be knives always drawn on your back masked by sweetest smiles. It's surprising that I've completed 4 years of my College life and still there's no sign of that kind of world! Where are those big bad evil doers? I guess now there'd be lectures about corporate world etc etc. I don't know what future holds for me in terms of people I encounter but one general observation that I've made is that, if you choose to ignore 1 or 2 glaring inadequacies in 90% of the people you'd find that all of them are actually quite good. If you are yourself good to the people then it's actually a party for you. I don't know if IITs again would be called a safe environment, but I've met loads of people out here, more people during 2 months of internship in France. Still, I was surprised that everyone, well almost, has been actually quite good towards me. Maybe I am plane lucky and those Really Evil devils are just around the corner waiting to strike me, I don't know, but till now people have been quite good.
The other day i was thinking this scenario---
We talk about the need to take a righteous path. Whenever we have 2 paths in front of us--- A & B . We choose a particular path and depending upon our ability to absorb the degree of suffering we call the path taken a right one or a wrong one. I think it's not right to call a path right or wrong just on the basis of suferring. Say if you chose path A and you suffered till time X and you get an example of a person who took path B and suffered till time Y. Y turned out to be less than X so you start ruing your choice.
What we forget is that it's these decisions that we make which make each one of us so unique, otherwise won't all of us have been same people following same algorithm?
Again coming back to the paths. You rue your decision but you don't realise what effect this suffering till X time will have on your other decisions, It's all like correlated, maybe later on this suferring thing actually turns out good for you,

I guess you may have been kinda confused by now but what I basically meant was, when you have a choice of decisions, you make a decision which you agree with at that time, later on whatever outcome may be, it doesn't make sense if you rue your decision as that's weird coz you can't go back and take path B and see how your life would have been if that would have happened coz we still don't have a time machine :)

Me and Myself

Dunno if everyone goes through this phase at some point, or maybe it's just me being a crackpot. But sometimes there seems to be this such an utter lack of decision around that so many times things seem surreal. You seem to be in conflict with your own self at times. You don't know as to what 'you want at the end' and 'what do you need to get that' and worst, do you really need that or something else?

It's more of that severe internal conflict. If you are doing something, to what avail?...if you want something then why?....you wanna be with friends, at every moment, u hate that empty room with those stupid blank walls staring at you, that dumb monitor screen on the Gtalk screen of which you constantly search for some friend who would be vella to maro bhaat .But when u r with those very friends then you just want to be with them rather then talk talk and talk. The problem is after some time, those friends too get tired .
You don't want to lose things, but you don't have any incentive that you can offer to keep them. Then you think maybe i'd try buying new things but you realise you don't have anything to buy them.
Lastly and most importantly you think that Life is a Bitch. There are moments when you want to change things our way, be at places you can't be, want the stuff you can never get, be with people you can never meet. You forget that somethings are just impossible, and keep hitting that stupid wall called 'impossible' again and again and again. But, to no avail. In the end you get tired. You rue your mistakes, get obsessed with that wall and keep trying till that wall breaks you. But in between you also know that there is an alternate way, a way around the wall. But why can't you go through that aternate route?, simple reason, you want only that way, it's your ego thats guiding you.

And Weiredly, there are equivalently random moments in between too, when you actually get out of that dark mode. When you realise, man, I'm any day better than those thousands of other losers. You love that life of yours you have created, you love those friends of yours and look down upon those thousands of other losers.
And you keep going. Looking for those single girls and still ruing as to why they don't notice you, for that 'free for dinner?' friend. Be inwardly happy, thinking how lucky after all you are. Planning for some random instances of life.

Until one fine day, when you start thinking that even though I am better than those thousands others, still I am a loser.

Happy Diwali :)